Twilight

Ok. I did it. I finally read Twilight. Not my usual type of series, but it was so wildly popular that I had to give it a go. Brad got me the books for Christmas and they’ve been on the shelf for awhile. To be blunt… I disliked the first book. It was painful enough that it took me a long time to want to pick up the second book. I disliked most of the second. It seemed to me that the whole purpose of these first two novels was to define the characters, characters that I was not too impressed with. Bella was a self-hating, pitiable fool… someone needed to smack that girl, or put her in therapy, or perhaps both. I am against teeny-angsty stuff for the sake of being teeny-angsty (I know, I know… this book was MEANT to be that way… I accept that, but it didn’t make it easier on me.) I prefer a stronger lead, especially when the lead is female. The third and fourth books were better. Finally, a story happened. Started in the 3rd book, finished in the 4th. I will not post spoilers, but I will admit that I enjoyed the story, the good vs bad, the ‘world’ it was set in… even though I do not understand why it took four full novels to tell the tale. It was a chore to get through, but I’m glad I did it, and I will give the series a positive recommendation. It is worth reading. (Once was enough though… for me…. )

Or if you’re not interested in reading it, here’s a recap (I’ll try to not give anything away, so much has been in the press and I’ll try not to go beyond that… if you are concerned though, leave now please.)

Book 1

Teen girl is miserable. Meets cute boy/man who happens to be a vampire. Life is confusing.

Bella: “I’m so useless and ordinary. Everybody is staring. Nobody likes me, not even me. Did I mention how useless I am?”

Vampire: “I’m a much older, strong, and educated male, with supernatural powers, and yet I am totally and instantly smitten by a clumsy vapid teenage girl with no self-esteem…. I realize this is unrealistic, but this is the magical romance part, so I must go along with it.” (Struggle.)

Father figures, including one who is nearly Christ-like in his effort to redeem: (Guidance, protection, love, unquestioning acceptance – queue angelic choir.)

Mother figures: (Flutter! Worry. Fade to background until it is time to flutter or worry some more.) “Have a cookie dear?”

Other friends and relatives: (Despite their constant, open, and always honest efforts to support and love her, in Bella’s mind they seem to exist merely for the purpose of providing miscellaneous ways for her to prove her clumsiness, social ineptitude, and overall unworthiness.)

Bad guy: (Makes brief, not too noticeable, appearance.)

Vampire and friends: (Save the day.)

Bella: (Finds way to blame herself for everything, of course... )

Werewolf, although he doesn’t know he’s a werewolf yet: (Falls in love with Bella… somebody had to be the third corner of the triangle)

Vampire: “You should hate me Bella, I’m a monster! I should leave and protect you from me! I love you!”

Bella: “Don’t go! Although you should, because I’m so ugly and weak. You can’t possibly love me! I’m useless and pathetic! You’re so perfect. Impossible. Nobody likes me. I love you!”

Vampire: “Well yes, I am perfect, and you are totally weak in so many ways, but for some very strange reason I still find you, your weaknesses and pathetic self-loathing, irresistible and appealing. Run away! Don’t go. I love you!”

Bella: (Cries. Is deliriously happy. Cries some more, falls down some, is rescued, followed by more delirium…. er… I mean giddy delight. etc.)

Werewolf: “Look at me! Look at me!”

Book two:

Vampire: (Leaves.)

Bella: (Mopes. Goes catatonic. Hangs on Werewolf, who discovers he is a werewolf.)

Vampire: (Gets depressed. Mopes.)

Vampire and Bella: (Get back together.)

Werewolf: (Mopes.)

Book three and four:

Bella: “I am so useless! Impossible that one, much less two, wonderful and strong males should be fighting over poor little ol’ me, just so they might save me from myself. I am so helpless and undeserving! I won’t let them do this!”  (…has no willpower whatsoever and let’s them fight over her anyway…)

Vampire and werewolf: (Strut, stagger, swagger, struggle, eye each other warily, threaten… remain all gooey and worried over Bella… oh! drama…)

Bad stuff happens. Some good stuff too. Mostly bad stuff. (This is that ‘story’ thing I told you about finally finding in the last two books).

Bella:(Manages to save the day.)

Bella: (Still bewildered how someone so utterly useless and pathetic as herself, even though she has done much to become strong and improved, was capable of doing anything right and succeeding.)

The end.

I still say she needs therapy… 

This is not the most glowing of reviews, I know. Sorry. But, as you recall, I did say I’d still recommend the series. It really is worth a read. On one hand, it’s an obvious, simple, love triangle romance story, with all the depth, or lack thereof(!), of a typical teen romance novel, hastily wrapped in a thin layer of sanitized modern age vampires and werewolves. (Vampires and werewolves being very fashionable lately. No zombies though. For zombies, I’d recommend “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” for a fresh, but not so modern, take on those critters.)  On the other hand though, in a way I haven’t quite nailed down, there’s something about the Twilight series that makes me feel like I’m reading a classic fairy tale, with a twist, and it’s always interesting to find a classic, that manages to be ‘new’.