1. Somebody is BBQ’ing today. My father was an amazing grill master. I miss his BBQ. I want a grill.
2. I miss my dad and wish I could call him and tell him this. This March will be the 6th anniversary of his death.
3. March is the month of my wedding anniversary – 18 years this year.
4. I started a career and life of moving around before I turned 18.
5. I miss my home state of Florida – I miss the weather, the wildlife, and the water. Florida is a magical place.
6. I don’t think I ever want to move back to my home state.
7. I do not know where home is.
8. I do not care that I do not know where home is.
9. One day, I would really like to have a home… with a custom kitchen, lots of bookshelves, room for all sorts of crafting, and a huge garden with flowers, food, and maybe even some critters. But not yet.
10. I find it tough to adjust to each new, randomly assigned, home we find ourselves in, but I always enjoy the challenge.
11. I love to craft, and while I enjoy the finished products, I think it is the process, not the finished product, that I like best. I want more time to craft.
12. Having household staff ‘in my space’ annoys me, and yet I love to have the help. I haven’t hired anyone here yet, but will, to give me more time to do what I want to do – for my family, and for myself.
13. TV annoys me.
14. Except for movies and series on DVD.
15. I could have music playing 24hrs a day, except it interferes with the TV watchers in the house.
16. I also enjoy silence and the sounds of life around me.
17. I’m Pagan, so the life around me is my church.
18. I wish more people were Pagan, or would at least ‘dabble’ in Paganism, to, perhaps, help them learn to appreciate the life around them, whether it is the land, the water, the animals we share this earth with, or our fellow humans.
19. I wish more people, Pagans included, would keep their spiritual beliefs to themselves and amongst their peers. Really. I believe you believe and am very happy for you. More positive actions please, less words.
20. I like words. The written kind, and love books. Sci-fi, non-fiction, military fiction, fantasy, horror, mystery… just about anything goes.
21. I love that our kids love books. Reading is such an important skill, and love of books feeds that ability like nothing else.
22. I wish I had more abilities. I wish my math were better, or my language skills, or my physical abilities. I need to accept that I do know a lot, and everyone has limitations.
23. My knees are bad, and my lower back goes out – both problems gained from military service. I hate that.
24. I am proud of serving my country, and will always have a soft, teary spot in my heart for veterans and people who serve… for our country, and throughout the world. It’s a tough job, but essential. Thank you!
25. I have been lucky to enjoy most of the work I have ever performed. It was very hard for me to quit to be a stay-at-home-mom.
26. Being a SAHM is the best and hardest job I’ve ever had.
27. My family makes me happy – even when they make me sad, angry, frustrated, worried, etc. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
28. Although I often worry that I am not doing things as well as I should… but I guess that’s normal, and it would be worrisome only if I didn’t have that worry.
29. I have extreme worry, as well as rage, as well as sadness, as well as happiness and giddy positivity. I probably should be medicated, but I like me how I am.
30. Except I think I should lose some weight and exercise more.
31. But I don’t care that I no longer have a 20 year old bikini body – I am no longer 20 years old.
32. I rarely wear heels anymore either. Today I wore moccasins and have happy feet.
33. I also wore a black t-shirt. While un-packing, I discovered that most of my wardrobe is black (or denim). Black is my favorite color. Perhaps I should expand my selection? I probably won’t.
34. I find that I care very little what people think of me, but worry what our kids think of what others might think of me.
35. I still do not want to conform.
36. I do not want our kids to conform.
37. Unless they want to.
38. I want some Rocky Road ice cream.
39. I also want a steak… bloody rare.
40. And while we are at it, a frozen margarita.
41. Later on, I’d like a small glass of good port.
42. My dad liked port, but not the good stuff. The good stuff is so much better. Did I mention how much I miss my dad?
43. My dad was an avid gardener, and this year I hope to teach my kids how to enjoy raising food in our backyard. I wish they could learn from their grandpa.
44. I love to cook, and want to learn to prepare more healthy foods from scratch, teaching my kids as we go.
45. I want to learn how to make more un-healthy foods too, like cookies and cakes and other fun recipes.
46. I don’t like most desserts.
47. Good dark chocolate is bliss.
48. I like quality coffee too. Essential bliss.
49. The spice aisle is my favorite place in the grocery store. Can goods and boxes are boring, meats are messy, and produce areas usually stink.
50. Bakery smells are also a favorite.
51. I hate shopping.
52. Somehow, we still have too much stuff.
53. Clutter drives me bonkers.
54. Clutter-y reminders of the places we have been, of our family, etc. are irreplaceable at making me feel at home. (It’s a delicate balance, and we’re not there yet in this house).
55. My favorite philosophy is about balance, “There is no light, without the darkness”
56. I don’t think I am well balanced, most of the time.
57. I am finally coming to believe and accept that I am not supposed to be balanced and in control all the time, life is not balanced or controlled. I’ll do best to just go with the flow.