No, I’m not hiding from a birthday or any sort of dreaded appointment. “Do not rip the calendar off of the wall!” is just something I found myself scolding the cat for this morning. The things that we have to tell these (too clever) cats are much more entertaining than what we use with the kids. With the human kids, it’s normal stuff… “Put your shoes away.” “Don’t bug your brother when he’s doing homework.” “No, you may not have a snack, it’s almost dinner time.”, etc.
With these cats, it’s a whole ‘nother ball of yarn.
The calendar on the wall was just one of those things that are UP, that a certain cat decided might be better DOWN. They like to make up things go down.
Other stuff that I’ve found myself saying recently (usually more than once):
“Do NOT harass your brother when he’s trying to use the litter box!”
“Do NOT harass me when I’m trying to clean your litter box!”
“If you bite your sleeping sister until she gets mad, expect her to bite you back. Do not come running to me, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Leave the spoons alone!” …. which goes along with:
“Brian will NOT share his cereal with you!”
(Cat on table with food is a not allowed… I fussed at both guilty parties: One for breaking rules, one for not enforcing them. Brian told me that he just thought it was funny how closely she was watching him take each and every bite… spoon down, scoop, spoon up, eat, spoon down… he wasn’t sure if she wanted the milk, or his spoon, as Pixie loves both! )
While we are in the kitchen…
“I do NOT need help cooking! Get OFF the counter!!” (They definitely got in trouble for this… after I grabbed the photo… cats on counters, or tables, when there is food present is a BIG no-no! … and they know it! Even when I am cooking yummy looking boiled eggs… )
“No eggs!” (What is it with these cats and eggs?? I get even one puny, lonesome, egg out of the fridge and they are instantly frozen with fascination! Food that is a ball, or a ball that is food?!? Yet they really do not like to eat them. Arrgg!)
“Stop smacking me through the curtain when I’m trying to take a shower!”
“Bring back Honor’s sock so she can get dressed! Brian! Grab Ninja and get the sock!!!”
“Do not eat, wrestle with, or steal the homework papers!”
“No, you may NOT sit on my shoulder when I’m cooking dinner.”
Often heard when the kids are trying to play a board game: “Hey! Pixie’s got the dice! Get her!!!” which will be followed by the noise of a herd of kids and cats chasing merrily through the house until the dice can be (temporarily) recovered.
“Pumpkin, No! Don’t! Stop! There’s no room on my lap! Don’t jump up onnnaaack… me.”
“Yes, still stay down… still… I mean it!”
“Don’t look at me like that!”
Getting ready to go out is tough too.
“Get out of the sink so I can brush my teeth!”
“Hey! Get back here! Give me my lipstick!”
“You do NOT need another Q-tip.”
I’ve mostly given up on “Don’t eat the parsley plant”, and “Get out of the drawer!” and I have definitely and completely given up on “No, I can do it by myself!”, because obviously, I can’t. Kitties MUST help with everything! They even follow the maid around, getting in her way, as she tries to mop, vacuum, do dishes, scrub the bathrooms, and especially, fold laundry (because laundry is warm and fun to burrow in, and there are SOCKS!). Good thing she likes the cats too.
Cats are excellent at doing crafts and school projects.
And are the BEST at opening boxes. Last year, at Christmas, our main problem was keeping the tree decorated as three climbing kittens had too much fun with their first ever Christmas play-toy… um… tree. This year, I’m sure that not only will we be re-decorating the tree on a daily basis, but all presents will have to be double or triple taped if there is any hope of keeping the box openers out. A single strip of tape does not stand a chance.
Yes, she is digging under the tape with her claws as she’s trying to lift it with her teeth!
She managed to pull up the tape enough to reach a paw into the box so she could feel around… and was instantly inside, neck-deep, digging through the loot as soon as I opened it all the way. Just like the non-fur-kids, cats know that good stuff comes in boxes!
Do I really think that these animals understand when I talk to them? When I tell them “No!” or whatever else I may find myself saying? Oh yes. I am convinced that these guys know English, at least enough English to know what’s what. I reprimanded Pixie for hopping up on the table the other morning before I set out the kids’ cereal bowls… see, she’d heard me open the drawer with SPOONS in it and got excited! She got down, but stalked over to the doorway, sulking, and complaining out loud the whole way. If she was a human ‘teen’ I’m sure that her hair would have been flipped in annoyance, and there would have been a fist angrily planted on a hip. But, then she looked back at me over her shoulder. I looked at her too and said “You can NOT have the spoons, but I love you anyway.” … to which she immediately spun around and ran to me for pets and loving. Yep… she knows exactly what I say!